There is something in the heart of a woman that causes her to go about changing her husband in the very way - the exact way - that is most destructive.
Husbands need to be changed and wives know it.
BUT - words don't work
"they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives" (1 Peter 3:1)
I don't know about you, but when I see something I want changed, I talk about it. I talk and I remind and I talk and I remind somehow thinking the problem is that my husband forgot. Ehh. Wrong. The problem is that I'm trying to change him by talking, by reminding, by God-forbid... nagging.
The things I'm saying to "help" my husband change are not helping my marriage, they're hurting it. They are not building my house, they are tearing it down - tearing it down by my own hands.
"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." (Proverbs 14:1)
Wow. How convicting.
"Folly is an unruly woman. She is simple and knows nothing." (Proverbs 9:13)
She knows nothing. Especially not how to influence her husband.
"Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome woman." (Proverbs 9:13)
God says it is better for a husband to move to the attic than to live in a house with a contentious wife.
"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." (Proverbs 21:19)
McDonald jokes, "so if you can still hear her in the attic, better to move to the desert."
"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." (Proverbs 12:4)
Do I bring my husband honor and respect, or do I bring him shame?
There is something in the sinful nature of a woman that wants to nag. There is something in the sinful nature of a man that wants to neglect. Nag >> Neglect >> Nag >> Neglect >> Nag >> Neglect >> Nag. You get the picture. Round and round and round we go. Words can destroy a marriage.
We... I try to talk him into talking. It's not working is it?
Conversations like this...
Me: "We never spend time together anymore...."
Him: "Never??"
Me: "You always do that..."
Him: "Always??"
Me: "So-and-so have a date night every week..."
Him: "So you wish you would have married so-and-so?"
Me: "Ugh.. can't you see, I just want to be with you more!"
Him: "And this is how you show it?"
These conversations make him want to be with me less.
Husbands need to be changed and wives know it.
BUT - beauty won't last
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment..." (1 Peter 3:3)
My defining characteristic should not be external. The beautiful thing about me should not be external.
"Rather it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:4)
My crowning feature should be the hidden person of my heart.
Can I stop for a moment and just say... HOW? I really struggle with this. I know my identity is found in Christ and not in this world. I know it - it's been drilled in my head since girls' bible study in 6th grade. How, in this culture where looks, clothes, hair, makeup are so important, do I transform my mind and my heart? Maybe it hasn't been drilled in my heart.
God uses a wife's inner beauty to transform her husband.
Inner beauty is... (this is the how)
submissive: I am to place myself under my husband / the choice is mine / I should find JOY in submission "Wives submit yourself to your own husbands..."(1 Peter 3:1)
pure: I am to be pure in behavior - in actions and in attitudes, in the kitchen, in the neighborhood, in the bedroom, wherever. I am to be pure in dress, in language, in my choices of entertainment, in my financial decisions, in my response to conflict.
gentle and quiet in spirit: I am to be considerate, unassuming, not pushy or demanding, the opposite of combative, not loud-mouthed, not known for speaking my mind, no overpowering, not blunt in word or action, not prone to outbursts. I am to be calm - to calmly bear the disturbances of others and not myself cause or contribute to disturbances.
You can ask my Daddy - a gently and quiet spirit is and always has been the very opposite of my nature. Ouch.
Some women STIR THINGS UP.
Some women STILL THE STORM.
The Godly woman who is a transforming influence on her home has found a way to calm things down.
She doesn't create conflict - she resolves it.
She doesn't cause relational strife - she fixes it.
The way to see my husband transformed is to do the thing that God has called me to do regardless of how he acts. And if I believe God's word is truth (which I do) and if I believe His ways are good and right (which I do) then I trust Him.
I respect God who is over our home. I want God's blessing on our home.
So I choose inner beauty.
Who's with me?
God shapes our character through our pursuit of the truth.
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Bits of Splendor Monday
This week I am looking forward to...
1. This haircut
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| Jessica Szohr |
2. THE HUNGER GAMES!!!!
Happy Monday!
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