Reality Check for Wives

My notes and thoughts on James McDonald's Reality Check for Wives Part 1 and Part 2

There is something in the heart of a woman that causes her to go about changing her husband in the very way - the exact way - that is most destructive.

Husbands need to be changed and wives know it.

BUT - words don't work

"they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives" (1 Peter 3:1)

I don't know about you, but when I see something I want changed, I talk about it. I talk and I remind and I talk and I remind somehow thinking the problem is that my husband forgot. Ehh. Wrong. The problem is that I'm trying to change him by talking, by reminding, by God-forbid... nagging.

The things I'm saying to "help" my husband change are not helping my marriage, they're hurting it. They are not building my house, they are tearing it down - tearing it down by my own hands.

"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." (Proverbs 14:1)

Wow. How convicting.

"Folly is an unruly woman. She is simple and knows nothing." (Proverbs 9:13) 

She knows nothing. Especially not how to influence her husband.

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome woman." (Proverbs 9:13)

God says it is better for a husband to move to the attic than to live in a house with a contentious wife.

"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife." (Proverbs 21:19)

McDonald jokes, "so if you can still hear her in the attic, better to move to the desert." 

"A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." (Proverbs 12:4)

Do I bring my husband honor and respect, or do I bring him shame?

There is something in the sinful nature of a woman that wants to nag. There is something in the sinful nature of a man that wants to neglect. Nag >> Neglect >> Nag >> Neglect >> Nag >> Neglect >> Nag. You get the picture. Round and round and round we go. Words can destroy a marriage.

We... I try to talk him into talking. It's not working is it?

Conversations like this...
Me: "We never spend time together anymore...."
Him: "Never??"
Me: "You always do that..."
Him: "Always??"
Me: "So-and-so have a date night every week..."
Him: "So you wish you would have married so-and-so?"
Me: "Ugh.. can't you see, I just want to be with you more!"
Him: "And this is how you show it?"

These conversations make him want to be with me less.

Husbands need to be changed and wives know it.

BUT - beauty won't last

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment..." (1 Peter 3:3)

My defining characteristic should not be external. The beautiful thing about me should not be external.

"Rather it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:4)

My crowning feature should be the hidden person of my heart.

Can I stop for a moment and just say... HOW? I really struggle with this. I know my identity is found in Christ and not in this world. I know it - it's been drilled in my head since girls' bible study in 6th grade.  How, in this culture where looks, clothes, hair, makeup are so important, do I transform my mind and my heart? Maybe it hasn't been drilled in my heart.

God uses a wife's inner beauty to transform her husband.

Inner beauty is... (this is the how)

submissive: I am to place myself under my husband / the choice is mine / I should find JOY in submission "Wives submit yourself to your own husbands..."(1 Peter 3:1)

pure: I am to be pure in behavior - in actions and in attitudes, in the kitchen, in the neighborhood, in the bedroom, wherever. I am to be pure in dress, in language, in my choices of entertainment, in my financial decisions, in my response to conflict. 

gentle and quiet in spirit: I am to be considerate, unassuming, not pushy or demanding, the opposite of combative, not loud-mouthed, not known for speaking my mind, no overpowering, not blunt in word or action, not prone to outbursts. I am to be calm - to calmly bear the disturbances of others and not myself cause or contribute to disturbances.

You can ask my Daddy - a gently and quiet spirit is and always has been the very opposite of my nature. Ouch.

Some women STIR THINGS UP.

The Godly woman who is a transforming influence on her home has found a way to calm things down.
She doesn't create conflict - she resolves it.
She doesn't cause relational strife - she fixes it.

The way to see my husband transformed is to do the thing that God has called me to do regardless of how he acts. And if I believe God's word is truth (which I do) and if I believe His ways are good and right (which I do) then I trust Him

I respect God who is over our home. I want God's blessing on our home. 
So I choose inner beauty. 
Who's with me?

God shapes our character through our pursuit of the truth. 


Bits of Splendor Monday

This week I am looking forward to...

1. This haircut

Jessica Szohr


Happy Monday!
bits of splendor monday

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